I have had a pretty busy 4 weeks. And it has been a month with all kinds of ups and downs. Who doesn’t have roller coaster months? Everyone has a hard time every now and then. My month of craziness ended yesterday with my return from Chicago, so this should segue nicely into a little Chicago Marathon recap.
And though I have had a fun and exciting month, it did not come without it’s hardships. I had been living in a sort of bubble for a long time. Running, working, riding my horse. That’s about it. I have my friends and we do things sometimes and everything seemed ok. But sometimes things change. And change can be hard.
Big change began when I started to look for a new apartment. I recently moved as a result of a break-up and it was something I struggled to talk about. I have talked on my blog about my boyfriend in the past and it may or may not have occurred to the few readers that I have, that I haven’t been talking about him as of late. When a break up happens, how do you let the people around you, who have known you as a couple for so long, know that you are just a single now? No more double? Its a tough trail to blaze.
On top of feeling sad, angry, and confused, I was overwhelmed and anxious. I didn’t understand why what was happening was happening to me. What had I done wrong? And how much was this going to suck? I mean, I had nothing when leaving the home I had lived in for two years. I didn’t have a couch, a dining room table, or main furniture pieces. I felt I was literally starting over, and it was pretty painful.
Every time I drove back to Berea before I moved I thought to myself, “I will never eat on the Triangle again… I will never run in this metro park.” It was really hard to separate all the things I was going to lose with what was lost as couple. Needless to say the confusion and frustration perpetuated.
Suddenly, I started to feel bad about myself. I didn’t really have anyone to talk to about it. I didn’t want to be the one who just blurted out the news. I have been just sitting on those feelings and not really sharing them. That can really eat away at a person.
Think about it, I have really put myself out there in so many ways, especially recently. I went to the FitBloggin’ conference by myself. I introduced myself to people and made friends on my own. I learned 100 different things to improve myself and what I love. It was so worth it, and even at 30 years old, I feel like I grew.
I ran a serious half marathon PR during all the stress and anxiety. I wanted to run my heart out at the Akron Half Marathon and I did it. I PR’d by a huge 5 minutes, and though I didn’t get my half marathon time goal for the year, I still feel good about what I have done. And I know I will get it eventually.
I went to Chicago and ran my 3rd marathon. I have run 3 marathons in 2 years and I had never run a step in my life prior to 2010. And not only did I run a marathon in Chicago, I did as Chicago-ans did.
I rode the L train. BY MYSELF. I got myself to and from the airport. I hailed cabs. I braved airports (one of my biggest fears) twice in 2 weeks. That is amazing for me. I have a fear of not knowing what I am doing, feeling overwhelmed by it, and making mistakes. And being on my own again forced me to take care of myself because no one else will. It was liberating.
So, have I had a fun month? Yes. Was it a really hard month? An even bigger yes. But will I move into this next month with new goals and ambitions? You betcha. Sometimes that’s just life.
So what’s coming down the pipe line for this girl?
Well, I just ran marathon #3 (recap coming really soon) and am slated to run marathon #4 in only 3 weeks. I was actually thinking to myself as I hit mile 23 on the Chicago marathon that there was no way in HELL I was going to run Run with Scissors in 3 weeks, but maybe I will.
I’ve got someone helping me with my blog and we are gonna go self hosted! I am ready to get my things in order and really define what my blog has become. And I am excited about it.
I have been very inspired by reading the posts and recaps of some of my favorite FitBloggin’ bloggers and am looking forward to trying their workouts and recipes. I am hoping to share some of this with my own readers and share the love. I want to do more strength training and become a stronger person. I want to do more yoga and really become in-tune with my inner voice. Oh yeah, we’re going granola over here.
I am going to be working on myself from the inside out. Rather than just dying my hair a new color and buying some expensive boots.
Watch out world, here I come.
How do you handle the big changes in your life? Do you embrace change or fight it? Got any big changes in the works? I want to hear them! We’re in this together!